Ephesians4verse31-32: ‘V31- Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: V32- And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.’
We cannot underestimate or undermine the place and significance of forgiveness in marriage. It is so vitally important and crucial to the peace, health and progress of our homes. This is why God wants you to pay attention to this subject matter. Marriage thrives on the principle of forgiveness. Your marriage does not have any future if it lacks forgiveness. This is why God wants you to pay attention to this all important subject matter! Jn8v32.
Recent studies have shown that forgiveness is an essential component of successful romantic relationships. The capacity to seek and grant forgiveness is one of the most significant factors contributing to marital satisfaction and a lifetime of love.
So as part of understanding the place and role of forgiveness in marriage, we need to understand what forgiveness is not .One way of knowing what something is, is by knowing what that thing is not. So what are some of things that forgiveness is Not?
Forgiveness is not:
1. Ceasing to be angry about a wrong doing.
2. Excusing someone’s actions. This simply means that it’s not excusing the offense or condoning the offense. Rom12v19
3. Forgetfulness
4. Sweeping issues under the rug.
5. The Relinquishing of your boundaries and dignity.
6. Always reconciliation .i.e. does not necessarily mean reconciliation. I know this is hard but this is true at times in marriage especially when physical abuse or threat to life is involved. Rom12v18.
7. Healing everything in a second. Sometimes it takes time for some wounds to heal, so you need to exercise some patience. Ps147v3. Forgiveness is a process.
8. Tolerating a behaviour that is hurtful.
9. The same as Trust
10. A Feeling. This is why forgiveness is a choice you make and not a feeling.
My dear brothers and sisters, I want you to carefully take your time to ruminate and go through these things that forgiveness is not. May the Lord give you further understanding and insight. This is so crucial and important to understanding the concept of forgiveness, so that your marriage can be what God intended for it to be! May today usher you into a deeper understanding of forgiveness so that your marriage can go to another level! If you are connecting to this, can I hear a resounding amen?
Other Scriptural References: Col3v8; 1Pet4v8; Pro10v12; Rom12v18-21.
Prayer for Today: Lord, enlarge my capacity to grant and receive forgiveness in Jesus name, amen.
CONFESSION: I chose the way of forgiveness over bitterness and resentments! I choose to walk in love towards my spouse! I choose to be a forgiver! I receive your grace and power to act according to my confession in Jesus name amen.
Yemi Adeoti is a pastor, teacher, life coach and mentor & also a prolific writer.
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